Last month I visited with one of my mentors, Dale Hart. It was a special visit that included memories, updates, and books for my personal and classroom library. Mr. Hart is well known not only as a decades-long English teacher at Sioux Falls’s old Washington High School and then Roosevelt but even more so as a gentleman who illuminates the beauty in literature and in people. When he was my teacher in college, Mr. Hart always had a Werther’s Original – a nugget of gold in his words – along with a small, typed note with an Irish blessing, the real nugget of gold.
So much of who I am as a teacher is due to my own search for mentors and the people who then graciously came alongside me to share their experiences, insights, and questions for me. In the best instances, the relationship was mutually rewarding as we learned from each other, but ultimately, the one with more experience had the most to share. In Adam Grant’s podcast episode “The Three Big Myths of Mentoring,” he says that “having a strong relationship with a mentor is a key factor in promotions, raises, and happiness.” In truth, strong mentors leave a legacy that bears fruit well beyond their lives.
Here’s what I’ve learned about finding a mentor.
- Notice leaders who exhibit integrity and the ability to develop other leaders. Do not set your sights on the most popular or powerful person. Look for the respected individuals who have a heart for listening more than speaking and teaching more than molding.
- Start to make connections with potential mentors. I have never asked someone to mentor me. Instead, the relationship always grew organically first through mundane, casual conversations that over the course of several months or even years grew into deep, heartfelt discussions.
- Once a mentor relationship has developed, stay honest and trustworthy. If you feel like you can’t be your authentic self and can’t talk about issues that hit a tender spot, then the mentoring relationship will be limited in its potential.
- Be open to what you can offer to the relationship. Even though the mentor has more experience, you also have a perspective to share. The mentor may agree with you, which creates energizing affirmation. The mentor might disagree with you, which will likely result in valuable questions that help you understand each other’s perspective better. The mentor might learn from you, which results in more balance in the relationship.
- Acknowledge that most relationships have an expiration date or evolve over time. A strong mentoring relationship often results in a reduced need for mentoring. The common factor that brought the relationship together might end, which also reduces or eliminates the need for mentoring. Sometimes the mentoring relationship evolves into a balanced friendship, and sometimes the mentoring relationship no longer serves its purpose and becomes into an important memory. Accept that the relationship will change over time, just as people change over time.
Of course, being a mentor is just as important as finding a mentor. As teachers we can mentor teachers with less experience in an official or unofficial capacity. We can also promote and support programs, such as LSS Mentoring, that bring community members into our schools to serve as mentors to students. After all, a strong community hinges on community members helping each other to be their best.
