Recently, Jackie called me because she knew I had a tough day. A student had a serious medical issue, and it became all I could think about the entire day. Concern consumed me. I was scared, and I had some scared students too. I started my classes by acknowledging the situation and the feelings that go along with scary medical issues. I then told my students, “I’m not on my A-game today, but I’ll do my best” and began to teach.
Working while in emotional distress is not unique to teachers. Most everyone shows up to work while in emotional pain many times in their life. Everyday you might have a coworker – or your child might have a teacher – caring for an elderly parent, facing a health crisis, drowning in debt, contemplating divorce, struggling with their children, losing a friend, or dealing with a million other life-altering situations. What’s hardest for me as a teacher who has had to work while feeling emotionally devastated is that I’m in charge of children, so I have to proceed with extra care when all I want to do is shut my door, curl up, and cry.
Here’s three strategies that work for me so that I can do my best at work in spite of emotional distress. I’m incredibly open about these strategies with my students so that I can support them as they figure out how to work through their own emotions.
My go-to strategy for my own wellbeing in these moments is to put the problem in a drawer. In my mind, I open a drawer, drop that problem right there, and close the drawer. I know I will open the drawer later and work through the problem, or the pain, but for now, it’s safe in that drawer. Sometimes, though, the problem is too big for that drawer. That’s when I move on to other strategies.
Writing down all of the thoughts swirling in my head also helps. Jackie taught me this. When I’m in emotional distress, I keep going over the details in my mind as a way to tightly hold on to them so that I don’t forget a fact, a question, an emotion. Writing it all down loosens that grip, puts the details on paper, and keeps them safe right there so that my mind can be free and I can be fully present with my students until it’s a better time to lean into the pain.
My best resource when teaching while devastated are my trustworthy and empathetic friends who keep me going when all I want to do is crumble. I have confidantes who listen well, ask clarifying questions, and provide encouragement. They do not fan the flames. Instead, they provide calm in the middle of my storm. When my friends learned about that student’s medical issue, they found me first thing before school started to surround me with their strength and then checked on me later in the day. I wish the blessing of such friends for everyone.
Because it is inappropriate to share certain emotional stress at work – especially with students – I can appear strong and poised because of my strategies for managing emotional stress. But, in truth I am faking that strength and poise. And, faking it is EXHAUSTING. What I know I can’t do is fake it 24/7, run from it, or ignore it because hurt people hurt people. As teachers, we especially have to find and implement strategies that soothe or cure our emotional distress because children will blame themselves for an adult’s distress and also reflect back the tone their teacher sets. We have to care for our mental wellbeing. Our students deserve that.
