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Real Stories Of Living With Mental Illness

Some symbols immediately invoke awareness for a cause. A pink ribbon bumper sticker reminds people of the battle against breast cancer. The red dress pin lends its image easily to heart health for women. But it’s harder to identify a cultural symbol for mental health. May is Mental Health Awareness Month, and this feature introduces two people willing to reveal how they ensure mental illness doesn’t define their lives.

It’s not new information. The National Institute of Mental Health says one in four adults has a mental illness. The number is considerable, and it’s a fact. But the statistic can also be the easy way out. Because examining only the numbers stops people from looking too deeply into what it means to live with mental illness. John Baxter wants to change that.

"I can talk to somebody and be very professional and get my message across and they’d never know. And yet, I have to deal with fallout from when I go through my bad episodes and I make a fool out of myself and I cause problems," Baxter says. "And, if somebody meets me during that time, they’re not going to have a high opinion of me."

The Sioux Falls man is a college graduate. Baxter volunteers. He’s a trainer for peer mental health support groups.

"I have schizoaffective disorder, and I have a pretty significant form of it. I really deal with it. I really struggle. I’m a little more severe probably than your average person," Baxter says.

As with any illness, different people have different experiences with schizoaffective disorder. But Baxter tries to describe how his illness can literally hijack his life.

"When I get sick, I get very, very sick. I can be very, very well and very , very articulate, and then I can go through a time," Baxter says. "Usually what happens is I start to get really happy, and then the next thing you know, I’m in trouble and in Yankton or in jail somewhere. And I wake up and it’s like, what’s happened? How did I get in trouble? It’s like I can’t remember this big span of time."

Baxter says his years of living with schizoaffective disorder have mellowed him. He handles uncomfortable situations with more grace now, and he sometimes feels a problem coming on and finds the right people to get him help.

Penny Hall says that self-awareness doesn’t magically happen for people – at least, not for her. Hall first heard her diagnosis 1993, but she began dealing with the problem six years later. She calls it a process of acceptance.

"I have a mental illness. I am not bipolar. I have bipolar," Hall says. "So it doesn’t define me as a person today, so I’m not afraid to talk about it anymore."

Hall explains she tends toward the more depressive facet of the disease formerly known as manic-depressive disorder.

"When I’m really down, I isolate. I have bad hygiene. I don’t want to talk to people. I don’t want to be responsible – or I’m not responsible. I don’t keep my commitments. I just want to throw the covers over my head and call it a day," Hall says. "But when I’m healthy, I get up in the morning. I take care of myself physically. I take care of myself spiritually."

She goes to her appointments, meets with mental health professionals, and works at her part-time job. Hall says she didn’t always possess the audacity to push forward.

"I didn’t know what people would think of me having a mental illness. I didn’t know if I would ever be loved. I thought maybe people would be afraid of me," Hall says.

Hall says her acceptance of bipolar disorder as part of her existence – one she doesn’t get to choose – eases most people’s nerves. She and John Baxter have vastly different illnesses, but some of their strength comes from the same source: support from family and friends. Baxter says finding the courage to live a fulfilling life doesn’t mean never questioning.

"And I don’t think there’s anyone with a disability that doesn’t wonder, what would my life had been if I would have never had this arm missing? Or what would my life had been if I had been able to walk? I often wonder what my life would have been if this disease hadn’t crippled me when I was 22 years old," Baxter says.

Baxter is grounded in his work with others who live with mental illness, who need an outlet for their wonder and fear and hurt and happiness in anonymous group settings.

Penny Hall talks to crowds about her time living with mental illness.

"When I go out and tell my story, there’s successes, hopes and dreams. And at the end obviously the hopes is to reach one person, to let them know that they’re not alone," Hall says. " We’re out there, and we’re there for you. We just don’t want you to feel alone anymore."

Hall says no one is really alone. And if she can handle what life’s thrown at her, she believes others can flourish, too.

John Baxter volunteers with NAMI Sioux Falls' Connections group, and Penny Hall shares her story publicly. For information about these opportunities or to find additional resources, visit this link to the NAMI Sioux Falls website.

The Mental Health Awareness Walk from NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) happens Saturday, May 17, 2014 in Sioux Falls. Find details at this link.

Kealey Bultena grew up in South Dakota, where her grandparents took advantage of the state’s agriculture at nap time, tricking her into car rides to “go see cows.” Rarely did she stay awake long enough to see the livestock, but now she writes stories about the animals – and the legislature and education and much more. Kealey worked in television for four years while attending the University of South Dakota. She started interning with South Dakota Public Broadcasting in September 2010 and accepted a position with television in 2011. Now Kealey is the radio news producer stationed in Sioux Falls. As a multi-media journalist, Kealey prides herself on the diversity of the stories she tells and the impact her work has on people across the state. Kealey is always searching for new ideas. Let her know of a great story! Find her on Facebook and twitter (@KealeySDPB).